Hungry Hungry Hippo

Sometimes life imitates a game. My Life (and so many others) could resemble a frantic game of "Hungry Hungry Hippo". Never played it? It's a pretty simple game. You have 4 people who control plastic hippos that you control with a lever. The object of the game is to use the lever to open the hippos mouth and try to "eat" as many dropping marbles as you can. The winner is the one who had eaten the most marbles (food) at the end.

That is how I ate for so long.

And that's why I still have a problem eating even after surgery.

Alot of weight loss patients say that having weight loss surgery is just a tool to help you lose weight easier. You wont magically lose all your weight because you have surgery. You have to WORK at it. You have to do everything a normal person does when they attempt to lose weight. You have to control cravings, portion size, intake, and most importantly, you have to exercise.... ALOT. You can still gain weight if you are a shitty eater.

I've been training myself since before I could remember to just eat. Eatting quickly so I can do the next thing. Eat more until I am full. Don't waste food because there are starving kids all over the world who would love the food that I am eating.. so eat for them!

This was such a horrible way to look at food and now I am 25 and confused about food and hunger.

The biggest tool given to me because of the Weight Loss Surgery is that I no longer feel real hunger. My new "stomach" never makes me want to eat butt loads of food. It doesn't grumble anymore. It's sorta just sits there now. You know what controls my "hunger" now? My brain. I see food on TV and my brain tells me to eat. It smells food and it tells me to eat. I hears the mention of scrumptous food and like any other cracked out junkie, it tells me to get some. But the thing is that I can't really eat those foods. And the bigger thing is I'm not really hungry... I just WANT it.

They say you have surgery on your stomach, not your brain.

How do I get past this? How do I ignore such big impulses? It's so freaking hard to think about eating. Usually eating is such an impulsive thing. You want something and then you go out and get it. I can't be like that anymore. I have to watch the clock and think to myself if I really am hungry or how long ago was the last time I ate.

Alot of people tell me-- "I'm hungry.. I dunno what to eat." And I always answer back, "I'm hungry too... I think." I'm just never sure anymore. No longer can i just hoarde food to eat when I'm hungry. No longer can I feel the awesome satisfaction of food coma. But come to think of it.. I don't care and I don't want those feelings. I'd rather have everything else.

But food... and hunger is so confusing now.